


Crazy, He Calls Me

by Ridin_ben_solo



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Suicide Attempt, Trans Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-02-09 00:06:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12875970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ridin_ben_solo/pseuds/Ridin_ben_solo
Summary: Marley loves Butch, and he just wants to be loved by that greasy bastard. But the Capital Wasteland has different plans





	1. Wasteland Blues

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline is gonna go back and forth so be prepared, children

I sat at the bar in Rivet City, feeling and looking like a disaster waiting to happen, my face tear stained and puffy. I had just come out of a coma, and just heard the news about the clean water the Capital Wasteland had thanks to my ‘sacrifice.’

What sacrifice?

My sanity? My health? Was it even fucking worth it?

Another drink.

I almost died giving this trash hole of a wasteland fresh water, and what do I get? A pat on the back and free alcohol. The alcohol wasn’t so bad, but it just wasn’t worth chasing my asshole of a father around the Capital Wasteland, losing an arm, and having no earthly fucking idea what happened to my boyfriend. 

Another drink.

I felt like screaming. Everything hurt. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. I had lost everyone and everything I ever cared about. Well… except Dogmeat who was asleep at my feet.  
In a way, Dogmeat calmed me with the way he would brush against my hand or hive in a soft nudge when he knew I was going to break down. He was a good boy.  
Butch used to do that for me. He'd grab my hand (When it was there) and squeeze it when I was on the verge of falling apart. What was funny was, even after he left me in that house, I still felt him holding my hand. His hand was calloused and rough. His olive skin making me look paler than I already was. But now, thanks to Colonel. Fucking. Autumn, the feeling was gone. From the elbow down, was nothing. Just a stub of mangled flesh stitched together.

Another drink

As a kid, I never had low self esteem. Even when Butch and his boys slammed my head against desks and called me every name in the book. But now, I couldn't stand the way people looked at me. It made me feel like an outcast. Like some wounded dog that everyone just passed and looked upon with pity. It made me chuckled half heartedly how a simple look had more impact than a swift kick in the jaw.

Another drink.

I was tired and ready to go to bed, and tired of being stared at. So, I made an attempt to get up from my bar stool and fell over. I felt light headed and off balance. I was never much of a drinker, and even though I tried to see if it actually worked, it didn't. It just made me feel worse.

Belle Bonny quickly ran around the corner to help me. Dogmeat attempted to nudge me up to a sitting position “Marley! I told you you would regret drinking so much! Let me-,” Belle began, reaching out to help me up before I smacked her hand away “Don't touch me! I can do it myself!” I growled. 

Now, I was never a mean person. Ever. I had always had a big heart, but It felt like I was just an empty shell of what I once was. And because of this, Belle left me on the floor. It was dirty and smelled like piss and blood. I managed to hoist myself up on the bar with my good arm and head to the stairs. The commotion only made people stare more.

I left the bar and made my way up to my room with Dogmeat hot on my tail. When I entered, I just stood in the door. The place was too clean. You wouldn't believe it, but Butch liked it that way. Tidy and organized. His barber tools were gone. I assumed maybe he had stopped by and grabbed them. I then got the idea to check his side of the dresser to see if his clothes were there. 

Gone.

His hair products and comb in the bathroom,

Gone.

Even the picture we had taken back in Vault 101 when we first started dating,

Gone.

So, he held true to his promise. I went through with the Brotherhood’s plan, and he left. At the time, I was scared and confused, though I owed it to the people to give them clean water.  
But what have the people done for me except use me as an errand boy? Not shit. So, in summary, I lost everything because my father couldn't follow simple fucking rules and got nothing in return for saving him! Or at least… doing my best.

I stood from my bed and walked to my desk. I stared at for a second it before swiping everything off of it. I threw anything I could reach, broke everything that could break, bent everything I could bend, and screamed as loud as I could scream. I pulled at my hair and punched the wall until my hand went bloody and numb. 

Dogmeat hid under the bed the whole time. Not because i would hit him or anything, but he knew when I broke down there was nothing he could do but stay out of the way of my chaos. I felt bad for him. He had done nothing but be a loyal, trusting companion, and all I was was a ticking time bomb of depression and anger he had to babysit.

Eventually, I became exhausted and felt onto the bed, crying into Butch’s pillow. It was soft and smelled like aftershave and pomade. This made me cry harder. But suddenly my tears were silenced by heavy footsteps, the sound of a switchblade being open and shut over and over, and the smooth familiar voice,

“You done bein’ a psychopath, Dollface?”


	2. Vault Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit about how they started dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna start doing music lyrics in chapters, not in this one, but most likely from now one coz thats my muse

Vault 101 was never home to me. It was a cage. It was a disgusting pig pen of gossip. When I came out as gay to my father, everyone ended up knowing within an hour. It sickened me how he could do that to me, and that was the first time I really felt hatred towards him.

And of course, the one person I didn't want to know found out, 

Butch Deloria. 

I remember he and his boys, the Tunnel Snakes as they liked to call themselves, came into the diner where I worked as a fry cook. As soon as I saw them, I began to sweat. I briefly remember telling Amata on my tenth birthday I wanted a date with the gang leader (even though they weren't even a gang back then, just a small group of prepubescent misfits)   
Amata wouldn't rat me out? Would she?  
They all sat at the counter, talking about how Paul Hannon Jr., the other Tunnel Snake had scored with Christine Kendall earlier that week. No surprise there. I made my way over and pulled out my notepad “Can I get you anything today, boys?” I said in my nicest voice possible. It was late and I didn't really want any trouble at the moment. 

To my surprise, Wally Mack, second in command Tunnel Snake, spoke first “I dunno.meat sounds good. You like meat right, faggot? What's the best kind? Thick and juicy, or skinny and long?” he teased with a malicious grin. Paul gave a fake laugh just to make Wally think he agreed with his words, and Butch just let out a huff of air. The Serpent King was being surprisingly quiet at the moment. I expected him to laugh the loudest to be honest.

When their laughter died down, Wally’s grin disappeared “2 burgers and 3 Nuka Colas” he said in a monotone voice, and as he handed me the ration cards, he roughly grabbed my wrist, “Hold the AIDS.” he laughed again, this time in my face. I could smell alcohol on his breath, of course they had been drinking.

Suddenly, Butch grabbed Wally’s wrist, most likely rougher than the other boy had mine. His grip caused Wally to let go of me and the boys made a tense eye contact. Butch spoke in a voice that was more angry than I expected “Cool it, Mack.” Wally had some sort of superiority complex, and it caused him to sneer at his friend “What? You like him or somethin’?” he snapped “You a Fruitcake now too?”

Butch let go “No, but I ain't close minded either. He sleeps with guys, you sleep with your sister, it's all personal preference” he shot back. This caused me to let out a snort through my nose, which in turn caused Wally to turn his attention back to me. He stood, looking angrier than normal “You got something to say, Blondie?” he asked in a growl. I started to sweat and shook my head quickly. He stood and made his way to the door “C’mon, Paul. Lets leave the Fairy Squad to their lonesome.” he grumbled. Paul looked between the three of us, unsure what to do. Butch gave a nod and Paul quickly followed Wally, leaving me and Butch alone.

For some reason, It felt better this way. Just the two of us. A bully and his victim in some fucked up moment of mutual peace. He took his toothpick between his fingers and spun it between them “I still want that Nuka Cola, Nosebleed” he said, taking me out of my trance that caused me to stare longer than I should have. I stuttered a bit before quickly turning and walking to the fridge, reaching in the back for the coldest one I could find. 

I hadn't felt Butch’s eyes on me in my embarrassment. And as I stood up straight, out of the blue, he asked me the strangest question “How’d you know you were gay, Marley?” The question caught me off guard and I almost dropped the bottle in my hand. I quickly set it in front of him and stared at the newly scrubbed counter. “Um… I guess when I was 10? I saw Freddy Gomez naked while changing for baseball practice… and I dunno… I just liked it.” I mumbled, unable to make eye contact with him. However, he kept his eyes on me “A little bird told me, you wanted to get a little bit of lovin’ from the Butch-man” he said almost seductively. My eyes quickly met his and my face went pink.

Amata, that fucking bitch.

I stood as straight as I could “If you are making fun of me, you can leave too.” I said, turning on my heels. He grabbed my wrist from over the counter. He was gentler than Wally which, again, surprised me. I turned to look at him and blushed. He looked me directly in the eyes, it was then I noticed how blue his eyes were, and how much I never wanted to stop looking at them. “I ain’t making fun of you, Marley.” he said in almost a whisper as he pulled me back till my waist was touching the counter. He was about an inch from my face and I felt like I was going to explode.

Butch leaned over the counter and pressed his lips against mine. To say the least, I was shook. He smelled like aftershave and tasted like whiskey, and I really liked it. As he pulled away, he moved one of my blonde curls behind my ear and we made eye contact once again. I swallowed hard “Well that was… not what I expected” I said awkwardly. He stepped away and let go of me. He grabbed the Nuka and walked to the door, turning to look at me “You know where my place is right?” he asked. I nodded. “Cool. Come by later.” he said turning around, realizing something, and turning back to me. He pointed a finger at me,

“Tell anyone and I’ll knock those pretty teeth in.”


	3. Heartbreak Hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marley is a Sad Boi™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mild cutting and depressive/ suicidal thoughts but nothing excessive.  
> Also: sorry the update took a while. Ive been sick so if this chapters kinda bad Im v v sorry

I was hurting. Not on the outside like I usually did. It was in my head, and not like a headache either. It felt like someone was in my brain, telling me things I didn't want to hear and making me feel ways I didn't want to feel. It had started after my first night in Megaton, and just got worse after Dad died. 

I was laying in bed with Butch in our room Rivet City. It was dark and all I could hear through the silence was the creaking of the huge structure… and Butch’s snoring. 

I looked at my boyfriend, he looked peaceful when he was asleep. His hair was freshly washed and went back to its natural curly state. The cut on his cheek was finally healing up. It curved around his cheekbone and ended right under the corner of his lips. But, no matter how wonderfully distracting he was, I still felt the sinking feeling in my stomach. 

I stood quietly and walked to the bathroom, looking in the mirror. I was no longer the boy from Vault 101. Especially since I was exiled from the place. I was slightly more muscular and my face had grown more mature. I had a scar around my neck from when some raiders tried to hang me from a tree, three scars down my cheek from a Deathclaw, my burns from too much radioactivity exposure. I looked like I was fresh out of a blender.   
I wondered how Butch and Dogmeat could still be here with me. I was a failure, and a failure with the face of a mutilated Brahmin to add to that. I failed dad, who sacrificed himself for me to continue on with the project. I failed Butch by not being emotionally stable in our relationship. I failed Dogmeat by sometimes being so depressed I can barely get up and feed him some days. I was just a disaster.  
I opened the mirror cabinet and grabbed Butch’s switchblade. I flicked it open and closed a couple of times before deciding my next move. I looked out the door and made sure Butch and Dogmeat were still fast asleep. When I decided they were, I drug the blade across my wrist. First, for Dad. Second, for Dogmeat. Third, Butch. I hissed and tears rolled from my eyes as the physical and mental pain came crashing down at the same moment and I broke down. 

I covered my mouth the silence my cries and held my wrist over the sink. I was a disappointment and a coward. I was the biggest pussy in the wasteland. I cry more than I speak and I get scared and anxious to do the simplest tasks. I'm weak. I'm a failure. I'm…. Tired.

“The fuck are you doin’!” was the sentence that snapped me back into reality. It came from behind me. I looked up to see my favorite pair of blue eyes. But they were not filled with love like they usually were, they were angry. He stormed over to me and snatched the switchblade away and grabbed my bleeding wrist, my blood flowing down his fingers.

I couldn't look at him, but he used his free hand to grab my face and make me look at him. “The hell do you think you're doin’ Marley?!” he shouted, causing me to flinch. All I could do was cry. He sat me on the toilet and found whatever he could to wrap around my wrist and applied pressure. He didn't look at me until he was sure the blood wasn't seeping through the bandage, but when he looked up, he looked more scared than angry. “How can you just do that to yourself, man.” he said. His tone told me that he was, in fact, terrified. Of what, I wasn't sure.

I cried until my eyes were sore and I could barely speak “I-I c-can't do it a-anymore, Butch” I sobbed. He shook me a little as tears filled his eyes “Why? If there's something wrong you can tell me, but this… you don't need to be doin’ this to yourself” he said, still holding my wrist. “You are smarter than this, kid.”

I sobbed harder and harder. He pulled me into his chest, holding me tight. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up from this fucking nightmare. I knew it hurt Butch to see something like that, to see me like this. I'm sure he wanted to chew my head off right now, but he himself was just as scared as me. He was scared that, after all the times he'd saved me, he can't save me from myself. 

We sat in silence. Me crying and him not speaking. He picked me up bridal style and set me in our bed, placing the blanket over my shoulder. Dogmeat curled around me and whined. Butch disappeared over to the hot plate and cooked some instamash. I watched him the whole time, feeling guilty and wanting to apologize, but not knowing how. Eventually, he brought me the bowl of mash and I just stared at it, unable to look at him again. He leaned his head against mine “Ya can't leave me here, nosebleed… no matter how much ya want to. I gave up everything I know just to be with ya, and I ain't lettin’ ya go that easy” he whispered softly through the silence. 

I gathered my courage and looked up at him. He had a sad look in his eyes “Promise me you won't pull this shit again.” he said softly “I-I promise.” I responded, just as soft. It was a lie, but he believed it, and so did I.


	4. Sweet Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marley's secret is eating him alive, and then he finds out its not really a secret to those who matter.

In my travels, people ask me what the worst day of my life was (before my coma), and believe it or not, it's not the day I left the vault or even the day Butch and I had broken up for a brief amount of time. It was the first day I had seen my dad since I had left the vault. Now, my dad and I weren’t that close to begin with, but we trusted each other. I told him about everything, and he did too. I thought.

It wasn’t long after I lost my arm, and it was the day after Butch left. We had argued, because I was worried. He had been staying late at the Muddy Rudder and I was told he was seen running off with Trinnie. When he came home that night, he smelled like sex and perfume. I got angry and kicked him out, and he most likely was sleeping at the Wetherly for the time being. I wasn’t a drinker, so I didn’t have to worry about seeing him too much until this boiled over.

I arrived at Vault 112, the vault I was told I would find my father in. I was put through some simulation and had to save a town of fake people. This was the only way I was aloud to get my dad back. 

Halfway through, I started to wonder why I was even doing this. He left me in the vault and expected everything to be ok. But, when I finally got out, and he came over to me, I cried. I wasn't crying because I was overjoyed to see him, I wasn't even crying because I was sad.

I was angry.

I pushed him and punched his stomach, and the whole time he didn't flinch, which surprised me considering the muscle I had built up in my travels. He let me take my anger out on him because he knew it was his fault. 

After a while, I got tired and he pulled me into a hug “hush, baby girl… it's gonna be-” he began, but I pushed him away before he could finish “I'm not a girl anymore, James! I'm a boy now! I've been a boy since I was born! And now, I'm just the kid you left alone to fend for himself!” I screamed. I hadn't stopped crying and my knuckles were purple. I could still feel the scars on my chest. I wanted the surgery. Nobody in the vault except me and my dad knew. Butch didn't even know. When we made love, I did it with my shirt on. My father touched my arm “Marley, I am so sorry… I shouldn't have left. But I need you, and now the wasteland needs you.”

***

I woke in a cold sweat. I dreamt about it over and over. Watching him die in the Purifier. It was a bittersweet moment for me. It was my revenge, but I was now officially an orphan. I went to wake Butch, but I remembered he still hadn't come back. He was god knows where right now… probably with Trinnie screwing and drinking. It made my heart clench and tears fill my eyes. I cried a lot more than I should. I was supposed to be everyone's hero, but I was just some broken kid with nobody but himself.

I suppose I wasn't a saint in our relationship either. I had a bigger secret that I had somehow managed to keep away from him. I ran my fingertips across my scars. I hadn't told him because I was terrified he would think I was a fraud, or hate me because I lied. It had crossed my mind to just tell him and get it off now that we weren't together. He probably wouldn't care now that we weren’t together.

I stood and put on my shirt and some pajama pants. I made my way to the Muddy Rudder and hesitated before entering the small bar. I walked down and instantly saw the little skank that caused all the trouble. I walked over and tapped her shoulder. She turned to me “Can I help you?” she inquired with some sass. The glare on her face and the tone in her voice spoke volumes towards how she felt about me. I sighed and rolled my eyes “You seen Butch?” I asked, not caring about how she felt. She took a drag from her cigarette and blew it in my face. I could have knocked her jaw off. “Yea. I seen him. He raw dogged me and headed outside the boat, ain't seen him since.” her voice was lined with venom. I turned on my heels and headed out. I only needed Butch's location, and nothing else from her. 

I made my way out of the boat, passing a few guards. I walked down the bridge and out the small ruined building at the end. I saw the large blue forcefield made by the Enclave and right outside of it, Butch. He sat near the rock pile that Dr. Li had thrown together to make a sort of grave for my dad. We never got his body back, but I didn't really care. I walked towards Butch and stopped when I noticed he was speaking to himself, a dozen empty whiskey bottles surrounding him, with a full one in his hand. 

“Ya know, I know ya probably didn't like me. Especially now. Well… I mean… before ya kicked the bucket.” he slurred “We both knew Marley deserved better, and maybe I've finally realized that maybe he kept my dumbass around because we were both pretty fucked up…” he was silent and swigged his drink a few more time before continuing “I don’t even like vagina… and I know that's hypocritical. I saw yer files on Marley back when I was still in the vault… but… Marley has the nicest dick I've ever seen. It's strange to think… Anyways, how do you tell the boy you've been in love with for as long as you remember, ‘Hey, I know ya actually are a chick, but I love ya and your hyper-realistic artificial dick, so it don’t really matter.’” he was silent again before sighing and standing. He stumbled a bit and just stood there.

At this point I had already forgiven him, and walked to him, wrapping my arms around his waist “I see her or smell her on you again, I won't be so forgiving” I said softly into the back of his jacket “But I forgive you, and you can come back home” He turned to me and smirked “I thought about ya every time… I just… I didn't feel like I deserved ya. The way you take care of the whole wasteland, plus me. I felt like an obstacle.” he said, his breath smelling like alcohol “I wanna go home, and make love until I can't breathe no more. And I want to do it completely naked” a smile cracked on both of our lips and I sighed “I suppose that doesn't sound like a bad idea”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My life has been out of whack and ive been crazy sick. The first half of this chapter was written while I was slightly drugged up on cold medicine. So please forgive my bad writing and late update. 
> 
> Also: send me ideas of what youd like to see in my next chapter


	5. Intrusive Thoughts

I never understood the praise I got.I didn't do anything any good person wouldn't do. I was a nobody who was suddenly a somebody and it made me severely fucking uncomfortable.  
I was on the balcony of Tenpenny Tower, looking out over the desolate Wasteland. The breeze felt good against my scars and radiation burns. Butch thought I was turning into a ghoul or something, but I reassured him if that happened, I would kill myself. Even though, ironically enough, I helped ghouls take over the tower I currently resided in with my boyfriend and my dog. I hadn't expected them to kill the previous residents, but hey, shit happens. I was tired of playing the hero.

We moved in after Project Purity. Butch and I decided to move somewhere no one really visited other than ghouls. And we need to be somewhere where we could trust our neighbors, and I trusted Roy. We made a deal. He makes sure everyone thinks I left the wasteland, and I help him keep the place up with repairs and such.

Butch took some time to get used to the place. He was never a fan of ghouls, but before you know it, he and Roy Phillips were drinking buddies who gambled with each other for cigarettes. Dogmeat occasionally joined them.  
Now, here I was. On the balcony, looking down at the dirt of the wasteland. I knew I was about to have an episode when I suddenly wondered how fun it would be to jump the railing and fall to the ground.   
Would I die?   
Would it hurt?  
I held my head.   
Migraine.   
I headed inside and leaned against the doors, I hated when I got like this. I hadn't been suicidal since me and Butch had gotten back together, but my disorder had gotten worse.  
I had learned from and old pre-war medical book, that I had what was called ‘Bipolar Disorder’ which causes dissociative episodes and severe intrusive thoughts. There was more to it… but I didn't want to scare Butch.  
Butch was in bed with Dogmeat, who was currently keeping my spot warm. I walked over and patted the dog and he quickly scooted to the end of the bed so I could slip in and wrap myself in my lover’s warm body. His hair was back to its naturally curly state. I like it when it was like that. It was curlier than mine. I place a kiss on his neck and he groaned “Mars, I hate when ya stay on the balcony this late. It freaks me out.” he mumbled groggily. I sighed and played with his hair “I dunno why, you check on me every five minutes until you get too tired and fall asleep.” I said softly.  
He turned to me fully. His face was covered with tear stains. Had he been crying? Why hadn't I heard him? Was he ok? I quickly placed my hand on his cheek “Are you alright, Babe?” I asked with worry.  
He placed his hand on my good arm and gently rubbed in circles “I'm just… worried about you. Every since I came back after the whole Project Purity thing… You've been different.” he said, tears filling his eyes again. This was the first time I'd seen Butch DeLoria openly cry. His baby blue eyes met mine “I love ya like I've never loved anyone else. Even more than I ever loved Ma… and when I came back… I feel like I fucked ya up even more than you already were.” and at his final words, the tears fell.  
My heart broke. I loved him too. And he was right. Ever since he came back to me in Rivet City after my episode, we hadn't made love or kissed as often as we used to. Hell, we barely said I love you unless we went somewhere without the other.   
I wiped his face with my pajama sleeve and placed a kiss on his nose. This was the first intimate moment we had had in awhile. I kept my eyes locked with his “Butch, I was fucked up way before you left.” I reassured him “The day my father left me and turned my world upside down for his own gain, was the day I lost my mind.”   
He took a small bit of comfort from my words, but still curled into me, placing his head on my chest as he silently cried.   
I held him until he stopped and I just felt his stuttered breaths. He finally looked up and placed a kiss on my lips. It was soft and sweet at first, but soon turned to rough and passionate. Butch was both of those things in the sheets, so I immediately knew where this was going, and I wasn’t going to objected. I wanted it too. It had been too long.  
He ran his fingertips under my shirt and made me shiver since his hands were cold as ice. But soon, he was tugging off my shirt and placing his soft pink lips against my body to kiss every scar, including the surgical ones. His kiss made its way up my neck to my pulse and he sucked gently, causing a moan to erupt from my chest. When Butch DeLoria left hickeys, they were the size of bottlecaps. He left a few on either side of my neck and chest before the real action began.

He took two of his fingers and sucked on them before sliding his hand down my pants and teasing my entrance, making sure it was lubed up enough that he wouldn't hurt me. This caused me to let out small begging whimpers. And when that was done, he slid them inside me agonizingly slow, having to cover my mouth so I wouldn't wake the other residents. Butch had sausage hands so his fingers were almost enough to make me cum, but I wasn't gonna come undone that easy. He'd have to work for it.

He pumped my entrance for a long minute, leaving me a moaning, groaning mess underneath him, before he decided I was ready for the main event. “Do ya think you can handle the Butch-man?” he purred in my ear  
Fuck, why did he have to call himself that. It was so fucking dumb. I looked at him and let out a little snort of laughter, hoping not to kill the mood completely. I put on my best smirk “The real question is: Can you handle me?”  
That always got him. A challenge.   
Before I knew it, I was on my stomach, and Butch was placing kisses on my thighs and ass. He was definitely an ass man.  
Making love with Butch was like being fucked by an angry bear. Rough and undisciplined. I never complained, I quite enjoyed being manhandled by the one man whom I knew wouldn't kill me afterwards. The aftercare was the best part honestly. He'd hold me and kiss me. This was the only love the wasteland has ever given me, and it was in the form of Butch Deloria.


	6. Pacify Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a summary of their relationship in the vault. (NSFW)

•Tired, blue boy walks my way.  
Holding a girls hand•

No one ever knew Butch was gay until he left the vault. Our whole relationship was a secret. But in public, Susie Mack took my place. I hated that bitch with a burning passion for that, but she just thought it was because I was jealous that I couldn't have her, but she didn't realized she wasn't exactly my type.

Butch played along, kissing her and holding her, but he always looked uncomfortable and cringed away a lot. Most thought it was because he was just fucking her on the side and wasn't looking for anything serious. In reality, Butch had never even seen her naked. They were frequently seen arguing in the halls about sex, and Butch claimed it was because he was saving himself. It made him look a little less masculine, but not as much as he would have if he had told her he was gay. I was his little secret. And he was wrapped around my finger.

 

•That basic bitch leaves finally.  
Now I can take her man •

At night, he'd walk Susie home and leave quickly, heading to my place, using the shadows to hide himself if he was too close to my place so no one could spot him. He stayed quiet. My dad knew about our little rendezvous, and he wasn't sure how he felt about Butch DeLoria wandering our apartment. However, he learned to accept it because Butch usually stayed on his best behavior just to keep the man happy.

He'd knock and my dad would answer if he wasn’t at work. I was usually on my bed in a white t-shirt and nothing else, waiting for my nightly visitor. Ready to take the poisonous perfume of Susie Mack right off of him. He'd enter, and I'd stay in the position, pretending I hadn't heard him enter. He'd walk over and crawl on top of me, kissing my ear and down my neck. 

“Hope ya ain't mad at me about what happened at the diner” he whispered one night as he nibbled at my jugular. Susie had been particularly handsy that day. Her, Butch, and the other Tunnel Snakes came in and sat in the diner while I was on the clock. It was only me and Andy working. Susie was sucking on Butch’s neck and left a hickey much to Butch’s anger. Susie figured he was seeing other girls when I left them on him, but he always acted like she had just forgot she left one on him. But this time she was making sure. I watched from behind the counter, clutching a glass cup, holding it so tight that it broke in my hand, causing everyone to jump and look at me.

“Fuck!” I yelled in pain, holding my hand with a towel

Butch laughed nervously along with his friends guffaws of entertainment.

•Someone told me stay away from things that aren’t yours,  
But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?•

I turned my head slightly towards him as he took my bandaged hand and kissed it gently. I let out a sighed and a gentle, forgiving smile “I forgive you. This time.” I said, biting my lip “Now don't keep me waiting any longer. I've lubed up twice now.” 

He chuckled and slid off his jacket, along with his vault suit. At this point he stopped asking me to take my shirt off. He kissed down my neck and to my lower spine where my back dimples were. He ran his tongue through the tiny dips and positioned his cock at my entrance and moved his lips up to my shoulder. As he entered me, I let out a loud moan. Thank god these walls were thick. 

He always fucked me slow at first. Making sure I knew he loved me and this wasn't just sex to him, and then, as soon as we finished our I Love Yous, he was pounding my ass with all he had. And when my moans became uncontrollable, that's when the dirty talk began.

“Susie could never take this cock like you can, baby.”

“You are so fucking tight, Kitten.” 

“Fuck! No pussy could ever make me feel the way your tight little ass does.”

It was vulgar and untamed. I loved it. He'd stroke my cock the whole time he fucked into me, and when I finally came onto his hand, he'd pull my hair back so I could watch him taste me. When he came, after my third orgasm of the night, he would stay deep inside me and fill me until he decided he wanted to pull out. That's when he'd kiss me and hold me, ten times more affectionately than he did with Susie, and then he'd lay with me until I fell asleep.

But he was never there in the morning.

•Pacify her.  
She’s getting on my nerves You don’t love her•

It went back to normal in the morning. Butch letting Susie grind against him out in the hall to gross everyone else out. School, where I would watch her pass notes to him. Work, where they would come eat and she would sit on his lap and grind on him some more. And then free time after that, when he let Susie give him handjobs. I was ok with this as long as it was out of my sight. He never liked blowjobs really. He didn't really enjoy it until I gave him one our first night together in the Wastes.

But the bullying stopped. The Tunnel Snakes left me alone, except for Wally occasionally. Susie tried bullying me once and Butch chewed her ass for it. Almost blowing his own cover. He didn't love Susie. He never did.

But I knew he loved me. It was in the way he looked at me when we were together (Sexually and non-sexually) It was in the way he smiled at me, and how he held me at night. 

•I can’t stand her whining  
Where’s her binky now?•

Butch was unhappy with the situation, but he was too proud to admit his true feelings to anyone other than me.

We laid in bed one night after making love, and he was playing with a loose curl on my forehead when I asked “Are we always gonna be like this? You and Susie, living a lie and eventually having kids with her, and me in the shadows forever?” 

He swallowed hard and it took a minute for him to answer “I… I don't want to. But nobody likes fags, Mars.” he mumbled “Especially with a population of, like, 30 people. And the men outnumber the women.” he sighed and continued twirling the curl around his index finger. I was silent for a long while after that. He met my brown eyes with his blue ones and stroked my cheek with his knuckles. For once, they weren't the things causing me pain, but they were giving me comfort. 

“Susie Mack complains about the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I slick my hair. She's always bitchin’ about somthin’ I'm doin’.” he began. He leaned his forehead against mine “You never complain. You love me for real. You like my hair, and my voice, and my jacket. You ain't never yelled at me or made fun of me for not doing some of the stuff you do, or for the stuff I like. Susie ain’t my forever. You've always been down for me. No matter what” he finished off by leaving a soft kiss on my lips, causing me to smile. We giggled like kids, whispering about the things we loved about each other. It was so simple back then.

 

•And loving her seems tiring  
So boy, just love me, down, down, down•

After I left, Butch had joined up with the rebels, and had been drowning his sorrows in Susie’s pussy and liquor. He was laying in bed with her one night after a particularly lonely night, and was downing some vodka when she looked over at him “Did you ever think maybe the alcohol was the reason you aren't getting me pregnant?” she asked, causing him to almost choke on his shot. 

He looked at her “Who the hell said I was tryin’ to get you pregnant?!” he asked, shocked. 

“Well, you've been in the mood all the time and you never use rubbers anymore. So I assumed that's why you did it.” she said with a shrug. Butch felt like he was going to explode. From stress or anger, he didn't know. But eventually, he snapped.

He stood from bed and looked at her “Ya wanna know the truth, Susie? Huh? I can't stand the sight of you! I can't fuck you unless you're facing away from me because all I see is him!” he shouted, tears threatening to pour anytime soon. It was the liquor making him like this, but every word was the truth. “With you, it's always nagging, and making me change who I am, but with Marley it was just love, man. He didn't make me feel like some domestic house husband who wouldn't amount to nothing because I like to cut hair! I ain't never loved women, and I ain't never loved you! ” at this point, he was crying, and so was Susie.

Teary-eyed and embarrassed, she left. He curled up on the bed and cried his heart out. His pride was out the window.

His hair was a mess and so was he when I found him. I had just finished fighting past security and talking with the Amata about talking her dad down when I found him. He looked up at me when he heard my heavy footsteps, eyes and nose puffy and swollen. I was dirty and didn't look the same as I did when I left. I was more muscular and tired-looking, but my smile was the same.

“I missed you too, Butch”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need more ideas for the next chapter send help


	7. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to this story?

Ok, so Ive been meaning to update, but I havent found anything interesting. So if you have any AUs or headcanons or if you want a Q and A of Butch and Marley, hit me with ideas in the comments

\- amore, l'autore


End file.
